Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
