i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
