Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
