No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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