How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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