It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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