You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
