I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
