SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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