I hate your face
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
