it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
