Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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