His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How naked do you want me to be?
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