What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
