porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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