I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
