I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
