if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
