woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
