his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
