Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
