I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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