I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
