My friends, they love my intelligence
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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