Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
