feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
