Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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