I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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