I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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