It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
