Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
