after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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