Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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