apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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