I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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