Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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