i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
