it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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