Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
