I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
