He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
