Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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