Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
