I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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