I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
