Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
