i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
