I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just high enough for therapy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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