Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
