I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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