My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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