you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
