dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
