apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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