i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The power of my boobs compel you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
