you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
