If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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