Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
vagina is talking i cant
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
