Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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