Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
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I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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