i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
