i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
