He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think my fart just growled at me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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