oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
