Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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