Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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