I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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