i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
