it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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