Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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