how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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