Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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