you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i've created a new STD.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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