we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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