I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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