Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
